Welcome back to my brief survey of 40k in the 5th edition of the grim dark far future.  I think I got a little long in the tooth last time, since Space Marines are so fundamental to the setting. It was also pretty boring for anyone that isn’t totally in <3 ruv wif spaze mareenz <3 <3

So WIFOUT FURVHER ADO, here be da Orkz!!!

Orkz are built for two things:  rolling lots of dice and doing random-ass crazy bullshit. Both of these fit in great with 5th edition, making Orks fairly strong regardless of army composition type (mechanized or footslogging). Remember last time when I said that it’s often best to just flood the opponent with wounds and let probability sort things out? There is nothing quite like seeing a half-blind Ork, with a rusty gun held together by chewing gum and twine, mowing down the Emperor’s Finest. With only a few truly terrible choices in their army book, you can see why they say green is best.

In general, Orks have terrible ballistic skill (but can assault after shooting with almost every gun they have) and have a high number of basic attacks. They are weak against AV14, have no psyker defense, and their individual leadership is pretty shitty. This is mitigated by the Mob Rule ability which allows them to substitute the number of models in a squad for their LD value and makes them fearless if they have 11 or more models.

They have one of the most efficient basic infantry units in the game.  Ork Boyz are tough, cheap, and have a lot of basic attacks. They can only do one thing but they damn do it well: make you roll lots of dice.  With furious charge, Mob Rule, and the option to take slugga/choppa for EVEN MORE ATTACKS or Shoota for a decent number of Str 4 shots, the Ork Boy is a pretty sweet deal.

Nobz deserve special mention because they are a particularly feared sight on the battlefield, and rightly so. They’re stronger, faster, and with 2 wounds even tougher than the average Boy, and can take a frightening range of wargear options. Aside from the usual bosspole, klaws and ‘eavy armor, they can get a warbanner for higher WS, an invulnerable save, feel no pain, or even Warbikes for increased movement and the constant 4+ cover save. The number of options means a Nob Mob has an easy time making unique models, which means that spreading wounds around is cake.

Recalling back to the previous article and the changes to wound allocation, this means that your Nobs can take a SHITLOAD of abuse before giving up the ghost. Each Nob has two wounds, you can easily give them unique wargear, and thus you can often allocate a separate wound to every Nob before you have to take a casualty. They are vulnerable to instant-death from Str 8, attacks that bypass Feel No Pain, pieplates, and abilities that target morale, because the Mob is capped at 10 Nobz max (although HQs can bring this to 11 and Fearless, at least until the first casualty. Bosspoles help!). They excel at krumping just about EVERYTHING.

The assault on Black Reach box set is a decent Ork subsidy.  20 Slugga Boyz, 5 Slugga Nobs, 1 Klaw Warboss and 3 Deffkoptas is an excellent first step for any Ork army. After the release of Black Reach I was able to pick up the 20 boyz portion for a fraction of what it would have cost me to buy those box sets.

However, unlike our good friends the ~*SPAZE MAREENS~* it’s not all sunshine and lollipops for the aspiring Warboss. Orks are a horde army, and by the very nature of “quantity over quality” you’re going to be buying/assembling/painting a lot more models to get to the same level of points. The basic Boyz Mob is going to be at least one box of 10 Boyz, and can range up to 30 Boyz strong.

Indeed, footslogging Orks should always run at least 20 strong, because a 6+ armor save and terrible leadership means you want to stay Fearless as long as possible. The Burna/Lootas box is another great example, because regardless of how you assemble them, both types of units are going to want more than 5 models thus requiring multiple purchases.

Also unlike the Space Marines, the range of models isn’t nearly as well represented in plastic kits. The recent surge of Ork releases has thankfully remade some units in plastic (Nobs, Grots, and Stormboyz), but you’re still looking at a large swath of models that are only represented in expensive and annoying metal kits. Killa Kans, Deff Dreads, Big Guns, Kommandos, MegaNobs, and Tankbustas are still metal kits. Grots and most of the non-Nobz are up there with transports for the most absolutely abysmal points-per-dollar ratios around.

Orks have some similarities to the Space Marines in that the second you start putting them in transports, your cost to have a complete army is going to skyrocket. Transport options for the Orkz are pretty sweet overall. Trukks are great and cheap in points, Battlewagons are fantastic (the new plastic kit and upgrade sprue kick ass), all Ork transports can be open-topped for leaping into the fray fast and easy. The only downside to all this is that you’re not getting nearly the same bang for your dollar.

There is a solution to this! Enter the gooniest part of the Orks: conversions

Do you have:

• a lot of free time (lol you are playing this gay hobby of COURSE you have free time)
• no money
• questionable taste
• the ability to fashion crude shapes out of plasticard and your enormous collection of children’s toys?

If you answered yes to any of those, you are qualified to convert Ork shit!

HELL YEAH BRO

Take a high quality pastel chalk used in a lot of art projects and sketching, grind it up to a very fine powder, stick it in a bag, and then charge the shells of human beings that buy them from you after you’ve renamed them from orange to something catchy like Rustgut Ochre and you’ve essentially got weathering powders, or pigment powders, whatever the fuck you want to call them. There are actually a few suggestions saying you can grind down art chalks from craft stores and create similar products, but I haven’t tried it. I got these at a choo choo store! It’s actually a decent bargain. Most are sold in kits of 4 powders, with a general color palette like rust, grease, or mud themed shades for roughly 10 dollars. When you think about it, that’s like 2 Games Workshop paints, so you won’t hear me complaining.


The powders themselves are extremely fine, but also concentrated with pigment. This means that you not only don’t need much of it when you use it, but it’s also easy to scoop some out and work with. I’ll usually get some out with a knife and tap any excess off directly back into the bag. Be careful when handling, as they will stain skin and clothes if allowed to set in.

There’s two ways of using the powders I’ve seen, I’m sure there’s more, so please feel free to comment any tips you’ve got. There’s the dry way, and the wet way. Lets look at some goddamn scythes.

For example purposes, I slapped on white and a quick boltgun metal coat. The powders are essentially enhancers, and will look better on a finished model, but this’ll work for here. Like I said, there’s the dry way and the wet way. It’s like sex: the dry way is subtle and lighter and the wet way is more dramatic and sloppier. For the dry way, simply get a little powder on your pallete. Take a completely dry brush and lightly dab it through the powder while dragging it, apply more pressure if you want to pick up more pigment.

The wet method is more complex. For it, I like to apply a very small amount of water to a detail brush and get a tiny amount of powder on the tip. It will form a small clump at the end, simply dab that on your palette. Believe me, this will be enough. At this stage, it will look like slightly dried out paint, as it essentially is. In this state, it will be very strong and overpower any paint it goes over, or apply more water to thin it. Doing so will create a wash, which will shade the model rather than repaint it. Here’s an example of the dry method with the deepest shade I have.

As you can see, the dry method is almost like a drybush that evenly covers the model, not just the edges, the the metal shows through underneath the entire blade. The wet method however is applied more like paint, and completely covers whatever color was underneath. In this case, the boltgun metal has been totally covered. The shades stack like regular paints too, so I simply applied them darkest to lightest.

Now these babies look like they were blessed by Nurgle himself! Wait, what? God damn I’m a nerd… my youth pastor was right! Anyhoo, the wet method is the top scythe and the dry method the bottom one. The wet method gives a more striking and recent feel to the rust where as the dry method is not only more subtle, but makes the blade appear more ancient and less oozing. Brittle, almost. Here’s two examples of them being used on my fukken Orks, son!

The dry method exclusively was used on the rokkit launcha, followed by some random touch ups with mithril silver and it was ready to go. For the Nob’s ‘uge choppa, the edges were done lightly with the dry method and the runny trails of rust were using the wet method. The faint waft of Gamer Fuel-flavored Mountain Dew and spicy Dorito’s smell on the air must mean you hams want to know what good the black powder is for, and if they can be used on anything besides faggot orks. First, fuck you, orks rule. And second, it’s got it’s uses. I use it on gun barrels to create a more realistic powder burn effect, and it’s also good for toning down colors that might be a little too bright for your liking, like the loincloth on the Nob. Also, heavily thinned down, it creates exactly the same effect as a wash of Badab Black.

This bastion and defense line were essentially drybrushed with the standard codex gray / fortress gray combo and accented with the weathering powders. The black was used heavily on these. In conclusion, I find that I now incorporate the powders heavily in my painting repertoire what with the orks I’m doing, and can see how they could be used with great effect by about any army out there (’cept Eldar, they’re too goddamn pretty). Long story short: totally worth the money. And honestly goons, how often can you say that in this hobby?